Kwan's Crappy Stuff

Here I am again inside four walls

Looking for catharsis in the poison of a cigarette and a warm glass of whiskey

Trying to kill a heart that refuses to work with a damaged brain

A messed up brain that cries for a little bit of peace of mind

27 seven years and not a shadow to say hi to

Not a body to keep me warm during these cold winter nights

Kill the neurons, murder the soul, assassinate the heart

Are you there love, it’s me… hate.


Tell me you want me to go away

Tell me you don’t want me to stay

Tell me you don’t want to ever see me again

Tell me you hate it when I look at you

Tell me you hate it when you hear my breath on you

Tell me you hate it when our tongues meet

Come on… tell me

Tell me how you hate it when I pin you against the wall and pull your hair behind you ears

Tell me you hate the taste of my sweat and tears

Tell me how you hate it when I bite your lips and neck, leaving teeth marks on your flesh

Tell me you hate the way my hand wanders all over your quivering body only to get lost inside you blue jeans



Tell me you hate the way I make you twist in pleasure with every move of my fingers inside your underwear

Tell me how you hate it when I make a believer out of you, with your eyes rolled inside your head praying to god for me to never stop

Tell me how you hate when my mouth undresses slowly just to get a taste of your white breasts

Tell me you hate it when you feel myself inside of you

Tell me you hate it when you are not you, when you are not here, when your soul leaves your body in a moment of ecstasy

Tell me you hate to feel the weight of my body on top of your soft warm milky body

Tell me… because your body is telling me a completely different story

Its ok, I will wait for your answer… because right now we are not here

Right now there is no world outside these 4 walls, there is no age, no shame, no bodies… just the essence of pleasure we both feel.


A ray of light finds its way into my room, pointing to a set of naked feminine curves lying next to me.

At first I’m too sleepy to bother with my visitor, but after a while I start examining her curves with my eyes.

I picture a beautiful landscape of mountains and rivers and how it would be to live in them.

My hand then moves on its own tracing the shape of her body in the air like a painting and each brushstroke feels like a soft caress.

I get anxious, my body begins shaking. I want to touch her so badly, but I don’t want to wake my sleeping beauty up.

Her hair intoxicates me, so I bury my head in a portion of her locks and try to suck dry its scent.

I can’t take it. Very carefully I place my hand on her shoulder trying not to wake her up. She looks so peaceful and relaxed. Like the world could end today and nothing about it could bother her.

It’s funny to think that this was the same creature that was last night in a moment of pure pleasure screaming her lungs out, calling my name and praying to the gods for more as I bit her lips and neck and pulled her hair.

I run my hand up and down her body very softly. Her milky flesh feels like velvet, and when the sunlight hits her breasts, her nipples gain the color and the sweet taste of strawberry ice cream.

I give up, and I try to have a quick taste, but she makes a noise and turns. My heart stops, cursing the heaves for ending her sleep… But then I notice faint smile on her face and with that I realize that my mornings will never be the same again. 

At kadmandu

At kadmandu

10 years I’ve waited

10 years I’ve waited